Boxer’s Uncle/Cut Man Sucker Punches Opponent Into Next Year

Incredible series of events last night on Showtime’s PPV undercard. Didn’t watch the card itself–I’m sure it was trash–but the real fireworks came after Andre Dirrell won the interim 168 lb. strap. His uncle, Leon Lawson Jr., apparently took offense to a late sucker punch, so he served up one of his own.

Absolute shot heard round the world with that left hook, right straight combo. Also love how you get the spittle and sweat flying off him in slow-mo like they were trying to recreate a couple scenes from Rocky IV. You’ve also got to give him credit for having the wherewithal to try and tie him up and get him into the clinch so he could recover.

The original “sucker punch” was just a blow after the bell that Andre Dirrell played up like he got shot in the head with a shotgun. Apparently he was up big on the cards, but judging from this clip, it looks like he’s got a jaw like Glass Joe.

Now they can’t find Leon Lawson Jr., it appears he has already flown the coop.

Hate to say it, but this guy is sipping Mai Tai’s in Mexico right now. Maybe he’s going to link up with Canelo Alvarez to offer his services for the upcoming fight with GGG. He’s got some great tape out on him right now, and I could see that left hook/straight right combo being the 1-2 punch that puts GGG’s lights out. Either that or he’s sucking down a 40 of Mickey’s right now in some hole in the wall, I guess only time will tell.

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Paul George Doesn’t Make All-NBA Team, Loses Out On $70 Million

SI“The NBA announced its all-league teams Thursday, and Paul George did not make the first, second or third All-NBA teams.

The news, announced by the league in a news release, makes it unlikely the forward will be eligible for the pay raise Indiana would have been able to provide him via the Designated Player Exception had he made an All-NBA team. 

George still could become eligible for the roughly $70 million pay raise if he earns MVP or Defensive Player of the Year—both highly unlikely. The NBA’s new new collective bargaining agreement is responsible for the quirk, which allows a team to sign a player on their second contract to a maximum deal above the typical rate for their service time.

George isn’t the first player to be affected by this quirk of the CBA. A year ago, Anthony Davis missed out on an extra $24 million when the media spurned him in their All-NBA selection voting. Damian Lillard, on the other hand, got a $13 million raise by making the All-NBA second-team.”

Huge win for all the basketball writers out there with this somewhat new development. It’s about time that guys like Windy Windhorst and Chris Broussard get to dictate how much money players will make it free agency. After all, would anyone watch the NBA if we didn’t have guys like them to tell us what’s happening? It’s about damn time they get all the leverage. Make an off hand joke about Windy falling asleep on air/his diet? You may find your name slipping down his ballot. Take exception with Broussard rummaging through the jock straps and compression shorts postgame in the locker room? Good luck getting his vote.

If some of these players were really smart, they’d start bartering with these journalists as soon as possible. You bring Windy 2 Big Mac’s and a supersized fry, and he’ll do whatever you say. Got a pair of game worn underwear with a couple streaks in them? Send those puppies next day to Chris Broussard and you’re probably finding yourself on his first team All-NBA ballot. You’ve got to know how to play the game with these guys, and until some of these marquee players start to figure that out, guys like Windy and Broussard will continue to walk through the bowels of arenas flexing nuts, because they know they can.

It may be too late for Paul George, but other players need to take note that writers are the ones who wield all the power. I would suggest stuffing Windy’s face full of grease and meat to keep him happy, and maybe sending some used toilet paper or something like that to keep Chris Broussard’s spirits high. Say hello to the new Kings of the modern NBA.

Windy looking majestic as ever!!!

A post shared by Pardon My Take (@pardonmytake) on

googly eyed broussard

Didi Gregorius “Is Like A Modern Day Bill Gates Who Plays Shortstop”

What an endorsement from A Rod. Very few guys in the MLB have the ability to be an everyday starter. Even fewer have the skills necessary to potentially run a company worth 72 billion dollars. But according to A Rod, Didi is one of those guys. A wizard with the glove in the field, and a wizard with the iPad in the team meeting room. Talk about an unbeatable combo.

A Rod is definitely the kind of guy who would have the foresight to see this too. Not that anyone needs a reminder, but A Rod runs a small corporation that is already worth billions. Last night we got a small look into the big brain that runs A Rod Corp:

Didi is a stud and will hopefully have a long and successful career, but if he ever decides to call it quits early, I think we all know who will be the new CTO of A Rod Corp, can’t be leaving the social media posts to a self proclaimed “dinosaur.”

PS: We all know A Rod just wants to fill Jennifer Lopez, he’s definitely not a condom guy. The over/under for him impregnating J-Lo is set at 4 months.

Chris Cornell Cause Of Death Deemed Suicide By Hanging

Variety “Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell’s death has been ruled a suicide by hanging, the Wayne County Medical Examiner’s Office announced in a statement on Thursday.

The Medical Examiner has completed the autopsy on 52-year-old Chris Cornell, the Soundgarden musician who died last night in Detroit,” read the statement on the medical examiner’s Facebook page. “The cause of death has been determined as suicide by hanging. A full autopsy report has not yet been completed. There is no additional information at this time.

The Soundgarden and Audioslave singer was found dead in his hotel room on Wednesday night in Detroit. The rock legend was 52. Cornell performed with Soundgarden just hours before his death at Detroit’s Fox Theatre on Wednesday night. A rep for the singer confirmed the death in a statement early Thursday morning.”

Couldn’t sleep last night and saw this come across my timeline very late/very early. Absolutely devastating stuff. I was hoping it wasn’t suicide, but definitely feared that could be the case. This guy was a cornerstone to the grunge movement right up there with Eddie Vedder and Cobain, and I feel like anyone who grew up in the 90’s listened to Soundgarden whether they knew it or not.

I had some plans to honor his legacy today.

Unfortunately I don’t have the will power to do so. Tough to turn down a cold cut from Jersey Mike’s. So instead, I’ll be listening to some fire tunes from Chris Cornell until the sun sets. Thoughts and prayers to his family, 52 is way too soon.

How Long Until The Coup At Big Baller Brand Takes Place?

At this point, I don’t know if you consider this morning a disaster or a massive success for Big Var Ball. He’s pretty firmly entrenched in the any press is good press camp, I just didn’t think he’d start his press rounds today by shitting on women, always a bold strategy. Kristine Leahy, co-host of the Herd, was placed in the Big Baller Zone after asking how many pairs of shoes they’ve sold.

He delivered that STAY IN YO LANE from the clouds. There’s no schtick here, either. He’s fucking enraged, and wanted to rip Leahy’s jugular out the minute she opened her mouth. He put a nice bow on the tirade emphasizing that the shoes are only for BIG BALLERS, and BBB would appeal to women… if it was for women. What he wanted to say was, “BITCHES CAIN’T BE BIG BALLERS”

Love how Lavar thinks he has the clout to control the interview too, trying to move on to the next question. Someone should remind that butter-toothed fuck that the only reason he’s still on those shows is that he’s said controversial shit like this for the last 8 months.
sb nation

So the real question, how long until he gets ousted from his own company? Once Lonzo gets drafted by the Lakers, he’s not gonna need his ass anymore. I love the potential for Lonzo going to Magic and letting him know that he needs help getting rid of Lavar. Magic organizes a nice little sit-down, under the guise of taking BBB international… and BOOM.
lonzo-sends-his

Then again, if Lonzo decides to cast him out, he’s got that new talent coming in.

On second thought, maybe I’m ready for Lavar Ball to usher in a new attitude era for the NBA.

Chinese MMA Fighter Bodybags Tai Chi Master, Shakes China To Its Core

NY Times — BEIJING — For weeks, the mixed martial arts fighter Xu Xiaodong had been taunting masters of the traditional Chinese martial arts, dismissing them as overly commercialized frauds, and challenging them to put up or shut up.

After one of them — Wei Lei, a practitioner of the “thunder style” of tai chi — accepted the challenge, Mr. Xu flattened him in about 10 seconds.

Mr. Xu may have proved his point, but he was unprepared for the ensuing outrage. When video of the drubbing went viral, many Chinese were deeply offended by what they saw as an insult to a cornerstone of traditional Chinese culture.

The state-run Chinese Wushu Association posted a statement on its website saying the fight “violates the morals of martial arts.” The Chinese Boxing Association issued similar criticism.

An article by Xinhua, the state news agency, called Mr. Xu a “crazy guy,” saying that the fight had caused people to question whether Chinese martial arts were of any use and even to ask, “What exactly are traditional Chinese martial arts?”

The reaction has been so furious that Mr. Xu has gone into hiding.

“I’ve lost everything, my career and everything,” he said in a message circulating online. “I think many people misunderstand me. I’m fighting fraudulence, but now I’ve become the target.”

Tai chi, while a martial art, is viewed by many today as a spiritual breathing and balance exercise enjoyed by people of all ages, usually performed in slow motion in a quiet park instead of a fight ring.

Very unsettling news coming out of Beijing tonight. One minute you’re just worried about the smog that is slowly turning your lungs into ashtray’s, the next, your Tai Chi master is getting his head bounced off the canvas like a fucking basketball. Xu Xioadong just wanted to prove these “masters” are hacks, and what better way than shortening a man’s life expectancy 20+ years. If he isn’t dead yet, he won’t make it to Chinese New Year.

I haven’t yet obtained a belt in tai chi, but it doesn’t look to be the ideal fighting style to win an MMA match. Although it literally translates to “Supreme Ultimate Boxing,” I think I may have read something about having to have a glass jaw too, because this master of the craft eats a small right and his lights go out immediately. If Herb Dean is refereeing this fight, those 10 follow up CTE inducing blows don’t happen, but hats off to the ref here who stepped in seconds before it turned into a scene from Kill Bill, seemed like we were seconds away from this guys head popping like a watermelon against the mat.

I would’ve expected a little more out of the Tai Chi master here, he looked a little too merciful, and as we all know, mercy is for the weak. I also happen to know a certain sensei who would’ve smashed this punks face in, made his knuckles bleed, and honked his nose dozens of times.

They just don’t make ’em like Miyagi anymore.

It’s unfortunate everyone in China wants Xu Dong to commit seppuku (if they do that), because it appears he was just trying to get rid of these frauds who have dedicated their entire lives to this craft, that seemingly isn’t producing results. I’ve got a free tip if he wants to take some of the heat off him, though. Just show up at some Shaolin Kung Fu Dojo, call out their resident master, and beat the piss out of him too. He might be able to parlay that into a gig overseeing hand-to-hand combat in the Chinese military.

Miyagi would’ve fucking ended this guy, though.

Kentucky Student Channels Inner John McClain, Crawls Through Air Duct To Steal Exam

NY Times — It was a simple plan: A college student would crawl through an air duct at a building housing an instructor’s office in the wee hours, lower himself from the ceiling and, with the help of a cohort, steal a copy of the final exam for a statistics class.

The episode unfolded around 2 a.m. on Wednesday at the university’s campus in Lexington, Ky., the spokesman Jay Blanton, said.

One of the students, Henry Lynch II, had made his way through the duct — a distance of less than 10 feet — to the third-floor office of the instructor, John P. Cain, Mr. Blanton said. Mr. Lynch made his way from the ceiling and lowered himself the eight feet to the floor.

Once inside the office, Mr. Lynch, a 21-year-old junior studying biosystems engineering, opened the door for another student, Troy Kiphuth, a 21-year-old sophomore studying agricultural economics. It’s not clear how long the two were in the office before Mr. Cain returned from his late-night meal and found that something was blocking the door when he tried to open it.

When Mr. Cain yelled out that he was going to call the police, the students burst from the office and ran down the hall, Mr. Blanton said. Not long after the police arrived, Mr. Lynch, concerned that Mr. Cain would be able to identify him from his class, returned to the building and confessed, Mr. Blanton said.

“Come to the Multidisciplinary Science Building, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.” What an all time heist story. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I was crushed when I found out this kid didn’t successfully pull off one of the most intricate college robberies in the history of mankind. Any dude who is willing to crawl through an air duct to steal a final and help out a couple of his buddies is a god damn American hero. HOWEVA, Hank Lynch II unfortunately lacks both a spine and a nut sack. Walking back into that building with his pud in his hands to apologize after what he went through is disgraceful.

I don’t exactly know what biosystems engineering entails, but I would imagine those classes have more than 5 kids in each. So it’s absolutely mind-boggling that this kid would assume his professor would immediately know he was the culprit. Absolutely bonkers. If he just cut his losses and went home, the test would’ve been changed out, possibly pushed back, and he would’ve had an incredible story to tell the rest of his life. Instead, he’s charged with felony burglary and will for sure have his ass booted out of Lexington. You think John McClain went back to apologize to Hans Gruber after he killed Karl and his brother? Not a fucking chance.

now i have a machine gun

Hank Lynch had the chance to go down in Kentucky lore next to guys like Karl Anthony Towns, John Wall, and Tony Davis. He’ll now forever be known as the chickenshit who disgraced the legacy of John McClain. You want to learn how to steal a test? Watch a fucking movie for once: